Time check: Week 11 of the 22-week Internship

"平平安安过了一半"

- Half the journey passed peacefully and safely.

Am I supposed to say this?

I don't feel a tinge of excitement at all. 

11 weeks over, yet I don't feel accomplished much.

Met with some of the girls the other day and they were all sharing their experiences at their workplace. All sharing but I had nothing to share.

I never fail to envy, never fail to get jealous of them having so much fun during their internship.

Not saying that my workplace is no fun at all, but when compared to what they are actually doing, mine was really just fun and nothing else. 

I feel so inferior but I'm really happy for them. 

Now that some already secured a job till graduation/ got offered to stay, it got me wondering what am I supposed to do after this 22 weeks. 

I doubt I will have the chance to stay. Lai was saying we can apply back to the company again asking for a full time, but hey, who am I kidding man.

I had nothing, no knowledge, no experience, who's going to hire me to do the things I'm actually doing right now. 

I thought of continue studying, actually since some time back, I've already had this in my head just that the family are all so discouraging that I can't get into a uni and made the point clear that private uni needs money. 

Of course, with my current results, I won't even have the chance to get into the local unis. 

Adding salt to the wound, the situation right now, I won't even have the financial abilities to afford my education in private unis, be it full time or part time.

But I'm sure I won't be able to get back on track if I stop schooling for a few years before going back to school. Very sure, I don't even have the confidence at all. 

Still so lost, I thought I could, but in the end, all these are telling me no.

Times like this makes me feel like a burden, a failure because I had nothing.

Literally N O T H I N G. 

I don't even know my own worth, what's more to expect people to know my worth.

It's been quite an emotional, mentally draining week. 

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