Decisions.

Grew up in an environment where I consult my people around me before I make a decision, especially a major one.

Major, in my sense, means something that is really requires me to do a lot, requires my efforts, either my mental strength or my physical, or even in monetary terms.

But sometimes, it's because of this habit of asking for advice, it somehow transformed into a form of asking permission before I proceed to do that.

Another thing that I realised, I put this restriction around me since young, this afternoon.

It's like whenever I decided to do something, someone says something that I can't do it or whatever, I'm not those type that will prove them wrong. But on the other hand, I will let them be right, let them to be happy. But I realised I giving myself too much of a rebelliousness, in my situation, that I'm giving up too much thing in order to let these people be happy with what they thought of me.

I started losing the chances I could have been able to grab hold of the things I wanted to do, things I wanted to get, things I wanted to make my own decisions.

My sister used to tell me this, 'Your world does not only revolve around me. You have to decide your own future.' Well, I realised I really depended too much on the 'permissions' I'm getting from my family till the state I am right now here.

I'm feeling so lost now, in a major dilemma between my mum and my best friends even though I have made a decision.

I know I have to be firm, but this is not going to make anyone happy.

Feeling so lost right now cos I really has got no idea what I am doing with my life.

Feeling so lost right now that I realised I really can't achieve my goals I've set months ago.

Feeling so lost right now all of a sudden.

&At this point of time, I really need someone to talk to me, tell me what to do.

But I know I have to do this myself because right now, the only person I can depend on, the only person I should be asking for 'permission', is me.

Well, I still need someone to be beside me and talk to me.

I'm glad I just knocked some senses with the help of bestie Y.

But still. Everyone's too busy with their lives right now.

No one has time for anyone, who am I one to ask for time from anyone.