Friends.

How many times have I talked about this?
I don't know.
But experience at work 2 days back just struck me hard.
Will I have a friend that will still be there when I get really old?
Until I die?
I really don't know.
Btw, here's what happened.
There's this foreigner couple, seems to have been in Singapore for couple of days?
One of the chef was actually the lady's friend.
&then, the lady decides to intro her husband to the chef.
Apparently, when these two ladies met, the foreigner lady was not yet married.
&then, it makes me wonder.
I know, I have awesome bunch of friends around me.
I really do know that & I appreciate every single one of them.
I really don't know what to say to them for always staying by my side.
It's hard having a true friend nowadays, but the ones that are always with me actually are willingly to hold me towards them no matter how hard I try to get away because of all the insecurities.
I don't know why. I just find it hard sometimes.
I really envy those people who had strong friendship bonds with their friends despite each of them have gone different paths.
I never believed that friendship will fade because of that.
But apparently, it's the reality.
There are times I really wonder why am I still having so many good friends around me when I'm like, avoiding them?
I always say but I never do.
I just hate to disrupt their lives just like that.
I don't want them to make sacrifices for me.
No, not sacrifices but just that I don't want them to specially accommodate to me.
I don't like it.
Because once I feel it, I will want more of it.
&then, I get possessive.
&then, I get insecured.
&then, all the hauntings come just like that.
I really hate this.
I don't like to get so sensitive. But I just can't help it.
I really don't know why.
I need help. But, yea.
Sigh, what's wrong with me.
I never learn, why?
I don't want to go through another same lesson again.
The scar has yet to heal. I don't need another one to remind me how hurt it was.
I'm really scared cos I feel really scarred.